"Depression" Kills....This is how I feel...

Assalamualaikum n good day y'all.....

Been lately feel lonely... It's not that I'm alone or what... It's like you feel something missing in the picture... Yeah if you guess it...it'll be a baby....

Since my first miscarriage the doctor told me that I can get pregnant easily no excuse ....I was like ok, this could be good....eating folic acid, drink a lot of water no cold drinks...went for mengurut (confinement massage (in my terms)) for almost few months.....I was really tired...super tired...weak...feverish vomitting but nothing come out......I swear I thought I'm having implantation bleeding (I googled it, lol) I'm excited yeah... Somehow I felt super dizzy,  cramps so bad....went to the clinic after work...it could be worst

Never thought in my mind... I'm actually not pregnant... Well yeah...it's been hard for me....cause I loved babies so much I even offer to someone and ask if I can babysit at least for 1 day?? Yeah I do.... My husband kept telling me to be patient...oh well....since he's been watching baby videos n kept touching my belly...rubbing it...it hurts me somehow.... I even wonder what did I do wrong again? I followed all the advises, the techniques, what you should not do...the dos and donts....I feel life is nothing but unfairness....! I blamed almost everything include myself! WHY CAN'T I GET PREGNANT??!!  Why God punished me so much till' I can't get a child?! That's how I tell myself....I'm not being physically hating myself for it but....sooner or later....I accept the fact and move on....

Been a while now....and I started to accept it and make myself busy...even when to think of it...I manage to pull it off....went for adventure with my husband....rest off for the weekends.... Cooking cleaning is my weekend routine.... If got overtime I'll work....most important to do is prayers.....never stop praying and ask for blessings.... In shaa Allah... It'll help to ease the burden of over thinking... Although I kept seeing baby videos and such..... I kept telling to myself 'Dont worry....one fine day you'll have one in shaa Allah'....

Day be day...you'll learn new thing.... Stop pleasing people...stop thinking of something don't bring good to you nor to your body....be happy 😊

That's all I can Say.....

First Hari Raya as husband & wife

Assalamualaikum...

Hi all...Been a while, yeap been busy (sucha) fasting month & working so yeap been tiring anyway. Like seriously....

Here's a thing about Raya, foods & celebrations going on now. So much fun going around, seeing relatives, nephews & nieces. All the little kids running around the house stepping on stairs & playing with the deco blinds. Best part is...giving away duit raya a.k.a Ang Pow .....walaowei just mention that specific word all kids were like "YYEEAAAHHHH!!!!" & some were like not moving at all......? Puzzles me though or they just don't pay attention or am I not that loud to say it? LOL!

Miscarriage : What did I do wrong or how possible could it be??

Assalamualaikum....

Hi y'all.... Its been rough for few weeks for me... And something had happened...I had a miscarriage... Just few weeks maybe... Ok so this is what actually happened

3 weeks earlier I admitted hospital for a very sharp pain on my right below abdomen... Very pain..spent 4 days in that hospital.... After discharge, a day after I had a brownish discharge.... I'm confused and wondering what the heck is that?! Checked on Google (Google is my new bff since it have everything lol) and it shows that it's Implantation Bleeding.... My first thought is OMGGG!!!! Ok, I admit I do get a Lil excited about it...I might be pregnant ya know heheh.... So wait for another few days & get it checked.... Using Clear Blue Digital Pregnancy Test .....waiting ....waiting...n waiting.....( 5 mins approximately) and I screamed for happiness......It says "I'm Pregnant"!!!! Ohh..for the love of joy...... Like I'm gonna be a Mom soon! heheh. 

Despite of all the excitement & in a good mood, suddenly I had a bleeding coming out like period (it's super duper painful!!) I just leave it for a while. Took MC a day cause can't bear the pain. Feel like your waist & hips tearing apart! Went to work the next day thought I'll be better if got busy with my work. Apparently, I was wrong. It got painful ever. I'm feeling feverish + strong headache. Next day took MC & get it checked. Went for scan (a better scan) and the doctor told me " Hey, you were pregnant". I was like....what?? Was?? Yeah Was pregnant but it's consider as Bio-Chemical pregnancy. Means the fetus didn't form perfectly. Here's the details for Bio-Chemical pregnancy (most people preferred to call it Chemical pregnancy instead)

 What Chemical Pregnancy Means:

The term chemical pregnancy means that the miscarriage happened at a point that a missed period and biochemical tests, such as an hCG blood test or a home pregnancy test (checking hCG in urine), were the only evidence that you were pregnant. The miscarriage happened before an ultrasound could have shown a gestational sac.

When the pregnancy develops to the point that ultrasound could confirm the existence of the pregnancy, the term becomes clinical pregnancy. Thus, a chemical pregnancy would be a miscarriage before the fifth week of gestation -- or within about week after your missed menstrual period.

Symptoms:

The primary symptom of chemical pregnancy would be if you begin to have vaginal bleeding shortly after having a positive pregnancy test. Blood tests reveal low hCG levels that are decreasing rather than increasing.

Causes:

Doctors believe that chemical pregnancies happen for the same reasons as most other miscarriages –- probably because of chromosomal abnormalities in the developing baby. It is hard to know for sure what causes these early miscarriages, however, because it is nearly impossible to retrieve any samples for chromosomal testing.

Symptoms of a miscarriage include:

~ Bleeding which progresses from light to heavy

~ Severe cramps

~ Abdominal pain

~ Fever

~ Weakness

~ Back pain

Yeah so that's the meaning for it & came to my surprise that I don't feel really sad at first, then few days later I felt devastated totally. I used to misjudge by some of the group that I was too desperate & so on I even say to myself "if only I knew earlier & never listen to other comments saying I was too early to check it or even worse TOO DESPERATE enough to get pregnant! "I should have just follow my guts!" 

I cried and talked to my husband & he comfort me. I feel like I've killed this baby? But I think back, There's must be a reason for all this to happen & don't be sadden about it. It's God's decision to make it happen & if it didn't better things will come in the future In Shaa Allah. God's will....I understand some going to be moms had this & how they overcome. Like I've learnt from some of my colleagues & friends of how they overcome this sad news and how they move on and keep praying for a miracle to happen In Shaa Allah.

Never get sad with God's decisions & have faith for another miracle to come.....

Ramadhan As a Wife & what are the benefits of fasting ^_^

Assalamualaikum...

Hi Ya'll ..This year it's been exiting for me 'cause it's Ramadhan a.k.a Puasa Month! Alhamdulillah get to celebrate with my husband. Never been very super exited for this in my whole life. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me most priceless gift ever, a Husband. Hehe even so, last year before he was a Muaalaf, he fasts too. Just this year it's so meaningful. Ok now, lets talk about Puasa (Fasting Month) and what are the benefits for fasting:-

When I was young, I usually frown when it’s fasting month but as I grew older, I realize  other benefits of Ramadhan.

1. Lose Weight

Eat less during iftar (buka puasa) and sahur. Best, try to lower rice and sugar intake by at least half. Every Ramadhan, I lose about 8-13 kg, you can too.

2. Stay at Home or Go to Mosque

I hate going out during fasting (day). It drains energy drastically, what more beat the crowd in a Jumbo Sale. I usually do shopping early morning (11am-ish).

3. Save Money

Since I don’t eat lunch or mid-day snacks. I save money and traveling expenses too. Most people spend a lot at Bazaars, I would only buy something that I will actually EAT. Remember, waste is a crime.

4. Remembering the Dead

The least you could do is dedicate your prayers to your loved one. (I still miss my grandpa, my makwa & my uncle ) This is also the time for you to sink deep into yourself, and think, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR THE WORLD?

5. Quit Smoking

One of the many ultimate solution to quit smoking, well, not quit, but at least reduce tars in your lungs. But I believe this is a personal decision. If you don’t want to, that’s your choice.

6. Let it Go

Anger consume lots of energy. So if you’re stuck in traffic, blaming non-muslim for getting off work early, you should cool down. Try to channel that energy else where. I usually dance in my car (or sing-alongs).

7. Eat Less At Buffet

Typical corporate people has at least 2 buffet Iftars. The key to eat buffet is, “Food Tasting” (a little bit of everything). Start off with 2-3 kueh and kurma, go do Maghrib prayer. Come back and start your food tasting. Remember to sip your drink, no bottoms up.

7 is good enough.

~Here's are Other things to know about Ramadhan.

1. Picking Nose Doesn’t Void Fasting

I’ve asked many ustaz & imam about this, they agreed, korek hidung tak batalkan puasa (Picking a nose won't void fasting). Islam emphasizes on cleanliness and nose picking is one of them.

2. No Such Thing as Fadhilat Terawih

So if you go back to your home town and see this on the Surau’s board, tell them to take it down. It’s your responsibility to keep other Muslims in the know.

Wishing you a happy Ramadhan and most importantly, Behave ^_^

Happy Ramadhan to all Muslims all over the world. In Shaa Allah we'll gain miracles & blessings from The Almighty. Amin....

My responsibilities

Assalamualaikum...

Hi y'all!!

Ok this post it's more about what are my responsibilities as a wife to my husband & to my family & family in-laws... you may think it's an easy task to do but not really :-) ok so here the list of the most Important

1. Always obey your husband & never argue
- This is a part of our religion as well. In Islam our pathway to heaven is always listen to your husband & obey his rules for the good ways. Disobeying him only gives unhappiness marriage to happen & pathways to Hell... Who would wanted that anyway kan?? So always listens to your husband as long it does not against the Islamic & common laws & you may have a happily married life...trust me ;-)
If an argument is a must, find point where you can improve it & learn from the mistakes.

2. always respect your husband & his families

- This part is very important too.. You know why 'cause when you married your husband, you'll married with his family too..your family & husbands family sharing the bond together & yes it's also a part of the religion too. We came from a mix families btw... Same goes to my husband too (he's a Muaalaf) we Muslims & Christian families shared our most respected & devoted to each other...we're not like some judgemental people who thinks we're totally sesat arah or so..I'm proud of being in a mix diversity & respectful to each others religion anyway....

3. Always have a honest conversation (even truth hurts but lies are even worst!)
- be honest no matter in the house or in bed, tell the truth of what you felt or feel want to express something came to your mind. Part of a successful marriage is conversation.

4. Always love your spouse!
- Key point here is to have a healthy relationship (I'm not talking of sex here ok?) It's more about how passionate your love to your husband / wife?? Every hugs, kiss & fondling always the best thing ever to spark your love life. Trust me...it works all the time minus the sex. Marriage is not always about sex you know... Keep it simple. Always love your spouse. ^_^v

5. Commit to each other 
- Don't let your wife do all the jobs , after a long day at work & now gotta do the house chores & cooking is not  an easy thing really I've felt it ...Do simple work makes me sweat a LOT! O_O . So dear husbands, please help your wives while doing house works Don't be the Maharajalela (Reigns) at home ya. Even the Rasulullah SAW (peace and blessings be upon him) He helped his wife to ease her lethargy at work.

Ok so far I got this .....Will continue later ya ^_^ .

Peace!

Pregnancy.......woes...

Assalamualaikum...


                   This is actually way too early to tell but some heartfelt about something that I shouldn't be sad of...Well some people already asking if I already had "it"?? Well apparently no. I don't have it yet since it's too early and I'm just married for like almost a month now. So we still have time for it In Shaa Allah....Only Allah knows how I feel about all this sayings about pregnancy thingy. Ok so I'm over it (but there's a little tiny heartfelt though). 

 Then came to my surprise that my old school friend (she was married 4 days earlier than I am) got pregnant!! Shocking but yeah =D Alhamdulillah for her she got her rezeki and blessings. As matter of fact I am stunned la jugak. Like 'Eh, You're preggy already?! Wow!! Congrats! =D' but in my heart I really want baby so much (x sabar tol) Menangis2 ku sampai pening kpala ....myb that's why la I sakit kpala....wanna know my pregnancy test + ovulation test result all comes with big disappointment (u know what I mean). Yeah I'm happy for them who got their rezeki early...But as for me, I'm sad and redha with Allah's great rejections. Getting pregnant is no easy job. I'm aware of it. Not at once you're doing it... BOOM you're pregnant already..NOO!! It takes a lot of usaha & big sacrifices to have it :'(...I Still got time no worries ^_^ (dalam hati mmg sedih but what to do) just accept it & go with the flow. Yeah...Just hoped that my time will come to have a baby soon In Shaa Allah. ^_^

Just stay happy & calm...

Being Married

Assalamualaikum.....

 

                    It's been 3 weeks after married and I feel super busier than ever. Kept sleeping late, got sick, easily tired, room is untidy, laundry getting double now, and I'm feeling such in an emotional crisis (sorta). maybe my hormones or something I don't know. Felt so funny until I feel like wanna be single where I used to be before. Like mama says, well not just my mama, most of people says that Marriage is not always a BED FULL OF ROSES. Yeap, absolutely true. Now I get to understand what they meant. It's not always a Happily ever after at all. There's always ups & downs. All couple faces all this and that. But most of all the tiring things and all, I am Happy =). Happy to be married to the guy that I love most. Alhamdulillah for everything that Allah blessed us. Thinking back, WOW! I am MARRIED!! >.< like seriously married already! Hehe...Being married is the most unique feeling you've ever felt. 

 

P.S: I Love my Husband =P